:D[8D]
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:D[8D]
A cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver,
a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and
YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you
exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you
give me a calf?"
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
connects it to his AT&T cell phone and surfs to a NASA page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to
get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another
NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution
photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop
and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the
image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a
MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with
hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data via an
email on his Blackberry, and after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy
and says, "You have exactly 1586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says
the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and
looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly
what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man
thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a consultant." says the cowboy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here
even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer
I already knew; to a question I never asked; and you don't know
anything about my business. Now give me back my DOG."
did you hear about the new games show on tv soon
called "Game of two and a half ounces"
>> > >>>We always hear"the rules"from the female point of view... Now here
>> are
>> > >>>the rules from the male side.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON
>> > >>>PURPOSE!
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up,
>> put
>> it
>> > >>>down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
>> complaining
>> > >>>about you leaving it down.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
>> tides.
>> > >>>Let it be.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
>> it
>> > >>>that way.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. Crying is blackmail.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
>> do
>> > >>>not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just
>> say
>> > >>>it!
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every
>> question.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it.
>> That's
>> > >>>what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
>> fact,
>> > >>>all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
>> Expect
>> us
>> > >>>to act like soap opera guys.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
>> ways
>> > >>>makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it
>> done.
>> > >>>Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
>> yourself.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
>> > >>>commercials.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
>> Peach,
>> > >>>for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
>> have no
>> > >>>idea what mauve is.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask
>> what
>> is
>> > >>>wrong and you say "nothing," ! We will act like nothing's wrong. We
>> know
>> > >>>you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
>> > >>>
>> > >>>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an
>> answer
>> > >>>you don't want to hear.
>> > >>>
>> > >
Why Help Never Arrived:D
http://www.nzwebservice.co.nz/4xcharts/image001.jpg
Food label 1.
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/images/foodeat5.jpg
Max just annnounced three weeks holiday so no updates today
thats pretty funny from where I stand so I put it in this thread
(unbelievable)
Morning Peat
Amazing is all I can say.
His Quote. My standard subscription fee for individuals
is US$190 per month which hundreds of people the world-over
pay me
So,lets work it out.
Say 300 punters worlwide paying $190 pm = $57,000 pm
Any need to trade? Perhaps not.
Hehe, I thought that would make your day Peat[B)][B)]
Those who can, do; those who can't, <s>teach</s> sell signals
--George Bernard Shaw--