Clean Jokes for Bored FX traders

Article from from Gurufocus 22 Nov 2016

A collection of jokes the Oracle (Warren Buffett) used in his letters to shareholders

"Billy Rose described the problem of over-diversification: 'If you have a harem of forty women, you never get to know any of them very well.'” - 1984
"Agatha Christie, whose husband was an archaeologist, said that was the perfect profession for one's spouse: 'The older you become, the more interested they are in you.'" - 1987
"After ending our corporate marriage to Hochschild Kohn, I had memories like those of the husband in the country song, 'My Wife Ran Away With My Best Friend and I Still Miss Him a Lot.'" - 1989
"When such a CEO is encouraged by his advisors to make deals, he responds much as would a teenage boy who is encouraged by his father to have a normal sex life. It's not a push he needs." - 1994
"The real advantage of being bisexual is that it doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." - 1995
"Though Enron has become the symbol for shareholder abuse, there is no shortage of egregious conduct elsewhere in corporate America. One story I’ve heard illustrates the all-too-common attitude of managers toward owners: A gorgeous woman slinks up to a CEO at a party and through moist lips purrs, 'I’ll do anything anything you want. Just tell me what you would like.' With no hesitation, he replies, 'Reprice my options.'" - 2001
"This means that directors must get rid of a manager who is mediocre or worse, no matter how likable he may be. Directors must react as did the chorus-girl bride of an 85-year old multimillionaire when he asked whether she would love him if he lost his money. 'Of course,' the young beauty replied, 'I would miss you, but I would still love you.'” - 2002
"… In this ambition, we hope – metaphorically – to avoid the fate of the elderly couple who had been romantically challenged for some time. As they finished dinner on their 50th anniversary, however, the wife – stimulated by soft music, wine and candlelight – felt a long-absent tickle and demurely suggested to her husband that they go upstairs and make love. He agonized for a moment and then replied, 'I can do one or the other, but not both.'" – 2005
"The best anecdote I’ve heard during the current presidential campaign came from Mitt Romney, who asked his wife, Ann, 'When we were young, did you ever in your wildest dreams think I might be president?' To which she replied, 'Honey, you weren’t in my wildest dreams.'” – 2007
"A line from Bobby Bare’s country song explains what too often happens with acquisitions: 'I’ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman, but I’ve sure woke up with a few.'” - 2007
"Long ago, Charlie laid out his strongest ambition: 'All I want to know is where I’m going to die, so I’ll never go there.'” – 2009
"An old Wall Street joke gets close to our experience:
Customer: Thanks for putting me in XYZ stock at 5. I hear it’s up to 18.
Broker: Yes, and that’s just the beginning. In fact, the company is doing so well now, that it’s an even better buy at 18 than it was when you made your purchase.
Customer: Damn, I knew I should have waited." - 2009

"Our exemplar is the older man who crashed his grocery cart into that of a much younger fellow while both were shopping. The elderly man explained apologetically that he had lost track of his wife and was preoccupied searching for her. His new acquaintance said that by coincidence his wife had also wandered off and suggested that it might be more efficient if they jointly looked for the two women. Agreeing, the older man asked his new companion what his wife looked like. 'She’s a gorgeous blonde,' the fellow answered, 'with a body that would cause a bishop to go through a stained glass window, and she’s wearing tight white shorts. How about yours?' The senior citizen wasted no words: 'Forget her, we’ll look for yours.'” - 2006
"You may recall a 2003 Silicon Valley bumper sticker that implored, 'Please, God, Just One More Bubble.' Unfortunately, this wish was promptly granted, as just about all Americans came to believe that house prices would forever rise." -2007
"As one investor said in 2009: 'This is worse than divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth – and I still have my wife.'” – 2010
"Indeed, a good underwriter needs an independent mindset akin to that of the senior citizen who received a call from his wife while driving home. 'Albert, be careful,' she warned, 'I just heard on the radio that there’s a car going the wrong way down the Interstate.' 'Mabel, they don’t know the half of it,' replied Albert, 'It’s not just one car, there are hundreds of them.'" – 2011
"Remember the late Barton Biggs’ observation: 'A bull market is like sex. It feels best just before it ends.'” – 2013