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Clean Jokes for Bored FX traders
One girl, just after her childhood, started doing a part-time job, in a brush factory. In a few months time, she found hair appearing in her secret area, and she was very upset. Day by day, the hair started growing, and she thought this was an effect of the brushes, and that her secret area was converting into a brush. So she decided to quit the job.
She went to meet her boss, who was a middle-aged gentleman, and told him that she was leaving the company. So the the boss asked her why she wanted to leave.
She said, "Look what the brushes are doing to me. A brush has started appearing right here" and showed him her secret area.
The boss, trying to educate her in this subject said, "Look child; this is quite a natural phenomena. It has nothing to do with the brushes. this happens to every one at your age. Look what we got" and showed her his secret area. The girl became horrified, and said "Oh my god! You have got the handle also!", and left the place immediately.
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An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor
gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample
tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave
him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like
this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothin. Then I tried with my left
hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left,
still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her
teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and
she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried
squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied,
"Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open
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Member
not exactly a joke, just a website with some honest attempts of some JPY'rs to communicate via english:
http://www.engrish.com/recent_detail...ate=2005-05-13
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How do they know its 12 o'clock in Neverland?
When the big hand touches the little hand.....
New Tui's billboard - JACKSON INNOCENT - yeah right
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Wacko's flying back to Neverland with a plane load of children on board.
Captain says "the planes going down, Michael, we've three parachutes - one each for me and the co-pilot and one for you"
Michael "what about the children?"
Captain " f@#k the children!!"
Michael "Oh, do we have enough time?"
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Q: Where's Michael J going on holiday?
A: He's off to Tampa with the kids.
It was reported the other day that Michael Jackson wants to be one of the first civilians to travel into space.
A spokesperson for NASA said, "We're fine with the idea but the only problem is Jackson insists on coming back".
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2 financial market theorists were walking down the a busy street. The 1st pointed out a $100 USD bill on the sidewalk. The 2nd commented that this could not be possible, surely if it was a $100 USD bill someone would have picked it up by now. The 1st agreed, there is no way that there could really be money on the sidewalk of such a busy street. So without picking up the money or investigating further, they proceeded on their way.
Not really funny, just a dig I guess
I prefer the one that says if u have enough economists standing in a row to go all the way around the world they still wouldnt reach a conclusion.
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The 2005 Darwin Awards[8D]
Hope not too many of you have already heard them
A few classics amongst this lot......
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us. Here then, is the
glorious winner.
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California , would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean (I remember
this!) bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to
be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to
the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head
at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief
on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made
of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m. , flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! (Which proves there is justice in this
world.)
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged a siphon hose int
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Lions Rugby Tour Shock.
>The Lions team training session was delayed today for nearly two hours.
>One of the players, while on his way back to the dressing room happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance at the end of the field.
>
>Coach Clive Woodward immediately suspended practice while the Police were called in to investigate.
>
>After a complete field analysis, the Police determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the try line. Practice was resumed when the officials decided that it was unlikely that the team would encounter the substance again.
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