Clean Jokes for Bored FX traders

[arco]

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Men and Women on planet earth die from various places throughout the world at a particular moment in time and go to God's abode to be judged.
The God welcomes this new batch and tries his experimental new judgement trick and says," I want all you humans to form two queues.
One line is for the men who dominated their women, and the other one for the men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away from here so that no man and woman can talk and I can talk to men alone."
When the women were gone, the Almighty returns and there are two lines. The line for the men who were dominated by their women is a hundred miles long, and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one solitary man.
The God about to open his third eye of anger, thunders, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!"
"Come and tell all them henpecked, my brave son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" God asked.
The nervous man replies, "I don't know sir, but my wife told me to stand here, until this is over."

[arco]

"Judging by the enclosed photo, I am sure the "perverts" would only go there once".

http://www.thedaily.com.au/news/2008/sep/14/too-rude/

[arco]

If you like sarcastic wit? then you cant do much better than old Knudsens blog.

I often check it out when boredom gets a hold.

http://oldbitterballs.blogspot.com/

Quote

Old Knudsen
I'm a witty ****er, a base and vile brabbler; I never know when to quit, I'm a terrier. The conscience of the people, a gob in the eye of convention. Winner of the Pepsi challenge 1984. I'm a Chestnut Tree and proud of it. Winner of the Daz Challenge 1986. I hung on a wind-rocked tree nine whole nights. A man of action is his own Sun. Correct punctuation and sentence structure is for the weak. My mother was an Ulster bare-knuckle fighter and my father a Scottish Viking. I was born in a coracle in the middle of the Irish Sea, delivered by the sea God Manannan. I am the only Timelord with his own teeth. Winner of the Darwin award 1932, runner-up 1954. President of The Lemurs Must Die League Of The British Isles. Expert Blogger, watch me Blog. I am a Hornivore and I'm full of the Horn. Time magazine Person of the Year 2006. I'm a double dipper. Call me All-father but expect no child support. I promote anti-social behaviour. A hater. A spoiler. A Blogger without a hat is to be mocked. This Blog is 100% natural. I'm the playboy of the western world. UDOJ Wall Of Honour Recipient 2007. I'm a sexual compulsive and a dangerous intellect. Banned in Halifax.

[arco]

..................for those cold winter knights

[arco]

Jethro's Discount

[arco]

It takes all sorts..............

[arco]

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What happens to good old telepathy

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[AMR]

I though this was absolutely hilarious.

LOS ANGELES - Russell Crowe has an Oscar and is co-owner of the Sydney Rabbitohs rugby league team, but maybe his next job should be US treasury secretary.
The New Zealand-born actor announced, during a US TV talkshow appearance, a mathematically-flawed plan to cure America's financial crisis.
"I have been intently watching the political process," Crowe told talkshow host Jay Leno.
Crowe believes the US government should give each American US$1 million ($1.50 million).
His reasoning is the US has a population of about 300 million, so the US$300 billion outlay is a fraction of the US$700 billion financial bailout package rejected by politicians in Washington DC yesterday.
"I was thinking," Crowe said.
"If they want to stimulate the economy and get people spending so they can look after their mortgage ... give everyone US$1 million."
His plan would actually cost $300 trillion.
Crowe is in the US to promote his new spy thriller with Leonardo DiCaprio and director Ridley Scott, Body of Lies, which opens in Australia on October 9.

[arco]

................Jesus is watching

[arco]

Spotted on a UK forum......

If you had purchased £1000 of Northern Rock shares one year ago it would now be worth £4.95.

With HBOS, earlier this week your £1000 would have been worth £16.50.

£1000 invested in XL Leisure would now be worth less than £5.

However, if you bought £1000 worth of Tennents Lager one year ago, drank it all, then took the empty cans to an aluminum re-cycling plant, you would get £21.40.

So based on the above statistics the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and re-cycle.