Clean Jokes for Bored FX traders

[arco]

Not even an Irish Blog, I hasten to add.............
.

[777]

Question: How do you tell the difference between:-
A New Zealand Police Officer , An Australian Police Officer ?and
An American Police Officer?

To obtain the answer you must pose the following question to the Officer;

'You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes
around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the
knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock ..40, and you are an expert shot. You have
mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?'



NZ POLICE OFFICER'S Answer:

' Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his
hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it, am I using it in an
OSH approved fashion?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this
send to society and to my children?

If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, Do I get blamed when he
falls over running away, knocks his head and kills himself?

Will the NZ tax payer foot the bill for his ACC claim if I injure him?

If I shoot him, and lose the court case. Does he have the opportunity to sue
me, cost me my job, my credibility and I will lose my family
home?

Am I being culturally sensitive to the attacker if I shoot him, will I be
offending his mana if I wound or kill him?

Will I have to defend myself in court as a racist if I shoot him? '




Australian Officer's Answer:


BANG!


American Officer's Answer

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click (changing magazine) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG

[shasta]

Question: How do you tell the difference between:-
A New Zealand Police Officer , An Australian Police Officer ?and
An American Police Officer?

To obtain the answer you must pose the following question to the Officer;

'You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes
around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the
knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock ..40, and you are an expert shot. You have
mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?'



NZ POLICE OFFICER'S Answer:

' Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his
hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it, am I using it in an
OSH approved fashion?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this
send to society and to my children?

If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, Do I get blamed when he
falls over running away, knocks his head and kills himself?

Will the NZ tax payer foot the bill for his ACC claim if I injure him?

If I shoot him, and lose the court case. Does he have the opportunity to sue
me, cost me my job, my credibility and I will lose my family
home?

Am I being culturally sensitive to the attacker if I shoot him, will I be
offending his mana if I wound or kill him?

Will I have to defend myself in court as a racist if I shoot him? '




Australian Officer's Answer:


BANG!


American Officer's Answer

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click (changing magazine) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG

Brillant 777, sums up the Victorian "hit squad" just nicely

What happened to the old NZ police mantra, of better to be tried by 12, than carried by 6?

[slam]

Retrenched Lehman Bank employees stage a protest by blockading the entrance to the Bank's Headquarters

[arco]

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[arco]

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[Grand Uber]

Stolen from hotcopper, but it gave me a giggle so heres a repost

> CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.

> > CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.

> > BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor
> > to mistake himself for a financial genius.

> > BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
> > allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no
> > sex.
> > VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

> > P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their
> > pants as the market keeps crashing.

> > BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

> > STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

> > STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

> > STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your
> > assets equally between themselves.

> > FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been
> > disconnected.

> > MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

> > CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears
> > down the toilet.

> > YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker
> > for $240 per share.

> > WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker
> > who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

> > INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now
> > locked up in a nuthouse.
> > PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use

[arco]

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[arco]

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[arco]

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