Clean Jokes for Bored FX traders

**arco** · 17-10-2008, 07:37 PM

A British man and woman have been jailed for three months for having sex on a beach in Dubai.

Pair faced a maximum of six years behind bars

Vince Acors, 34, and Michelle Palmer, 36, met at an all-you-can-drink champagne brunch just hours before their arrest.
Prosecutors said they were seen having sex on Jumeirah Beach after being dropped off by a taxi in the early hours of July 5.
But Palmer, from Oakham, Rutland,who was sacked from her emirate job as a publishing executive, claimed they were "just kissing and hugging".
The pair, who denied offences of unmarried sex and public indecency, were convicted in their absence at Dubai's Court of First Instance.
Judge Hamdi Abul Kharr fined them 1,000 dirham (around £155) and said they would be deported from the United Arab Emirates after they have served their sentence.

http://news.sky.com/skynews

**777** · 17-10-2008, 08:37 PM

Originally Posted by neopole

How Banking & Bailouts Work

By way of anecdotal example, you should find the following instructive:

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad News, the donkey died.'

Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?

Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Chuck said, 'Sure I can Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'

Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a-piece and made a profit of $998.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck now works for Goldman Sachs

Replace Chuck with Helen Clark and it makes more sense.

**arco** · 19-10-2008, 02:38 PM

CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer.

Bull Market - A random market movement cousing an investor to mistake themself for a financial genius.

VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their beds as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER - What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POORS - Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER - A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy your stocks.

CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it goes down the toilet.

YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Last years investor who's now locked up in a nut house.

PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use.

**arco** · 21-10-2008, 09:21 PM

Rainbows End Technique

**AMR** · 22-10-2008, 12:38 AM

Some people have too much time on their hands.

http://brokershandsontheirfacesblog.tumblr.com/page/1

**arco** · 22-10-2008, 01:36 PM

Pac Man technique

**arco** · 23-10-2008, 10:50 PM

A seasoned long term investor, reflecting on the past 6 months:

"This is way worse than a divorce .......................I've lost half my net worth but I still have my wife."

.

**arco** · 24-10-2008, 11:53 AM

.

Q: What is the difference between a pigeon and a merchant banker.

A: A pigeon can still put a deposit on a BMW

**arco** · 24-10-2008, 11:58 AM

The Giant Squid Technique

**arco** · 24-10-2008, 04:42 PM

Friday, October 24 2008, 03:52 BST
By Michael Thornton
A range of faulty toilet seats has resulted in the death of one person and injuries to at least six.

Some 91 reports have been registered against Homecraft Rolyan Savannah seats, according to the Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA).

Close to 25,000 of the seats, which carry AA211, AA2112L, AA2114Y and AA2114 product codes, are estimated to have been sold in the UK between May 2007 and January 2008.

Officials are now calling for social care providers to be vigilant if they are looking after people using the product.

The MHRA added that one woman was killed in an accident caused by a faulty seat, although it pointed out that the exact circumstances surrounding her death had not been made clear.

"Six of the reports resulted in the person falling off the toilet because the toilet seat slipped. Injuries have included bumps to the head, bruising and back injury," said MHRA representative Clive Bray.

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/odd/a133...e-six.html?rss