Clean Jokes for Bored FX traders

[arco]

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It was obviously an omen when I went out hunting on Christmas Day and my wife said "I think its going to rain dear"

[peat]

the pope goes to amsterdam to do a mass. he's staying in a hotel in the centre of the city. he says to the girl at the front desk "i trust the porn channel in my room is disabled...?"

she looks at him and says "its just standard porn you sick f(u)k"

[arco]

The Cyrox Rainbow Technique

You can actually scalp profitably using these charts (I kid you not).

http://www.cyrox.com/forum/index.php


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[speres]

The Cyrox Rainbow Technique

You can actually scalp profitably using these charts (I kid you not).

http://www.cyrox.com/forum/index.php


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ye I've seen those before, back in the day when I went to raves.

[arco]

Perhaps re-name it the Party Pill technique

[peat]

[arco]

Not so long ago, office romance was more taboo than to-do. But as the long-hours culture continues its steady march, cubicle couples and boardroom beaus are gracing workplaces everywhere.

According to a recent survey by US media company Vault, 47 per cent of respondents said they’d been involved in an office romance, while 82 per cent had known of an office romance taking place between colleagues.

Of course, stolen kisses by the stationery cupboard and lingering looks over the photocopier can bring misery as well as intrigue to your working week.

So how do you have an office romance without leaving a heart-shaped hole in your career?

Don’t: Bed your boss
While the chemistry between you and your boss may be palpable, many companies forbid relationships between supervisors and subordinates, so think carefully before you start an office romance. No matter how talented you are, colleagues may speculate about the ‘real’ reason for your next pay rise or promotion - and there's potential for sexual harassment claims, too.

Do: Check the small print
If you’re already in a relationship with a colleague, reviewing a copy of your employment contract may seem trivial compared to doe-eyed daydreams and galloping hearts. But checking the small print will determine whether your office romance remains permissible, or whether you're required to move departments, jobs or offices to avoid potential conflicts of interest.

Don’t: Neglect your work
Although it’s tempting to reminisce about the night before instead of concentrating on the task at hand, try not to let a knowing glance, compliment or smile from your partner distract you from your work. Set the rules of engagement, eyeball your goals, take positive action, and make the most of your elevated dopamine levels to work up a professional sweat.

Do: Keep it clean
Those lusty, libidinous emails might leave you hot under your lipstick-stained collar, but will they leave your employer cold? Emails that impact negatively on a company’s reputation can result in disciplinary procedures, so consider setting up a free email account for the purpose of sending and receiving your lettres d'amour.

Don’t: Play favourites
If you want your career to go the distance, take extra care not to reward your partner with undeserved brownie points - good intentions now could seriously stymie your chances of a promotion down the track. Avoid accusations of favouritism, or the appearance of preferential treatment, by making it a priority to treat all your colleagues equally.

Do: Play it cool
While you may want to tell the world that you’ve fallen head over heels, sometimes it’s better to keep quiet about love on the job until you’re sure that your relationship will last. The less your colleagues know, the better - there’ll be no need to prune the office grapevine, and your connection will benefit from all that initial secrecy.

Don’t: Act unprofessionally
If you and your partner can’t keep your hands off each other, use your acting skills and adopt identical personas of single, self-contained colleagues while you’re at work. Avoid intimate conversations or seductive smiles, and save frisky business for after hours. Similarly, don’t risk lowering colleague’s perceptions of your work performance - leave any personal differences at the office door.

Do: Kiss and keep quiet
Nobody starts an office romance intending to end it - but it happens. We’ve all heard about the ugly break-ups that divided colleagues, fuelled runaway rumours, and led to career sabotage. Fortunately, setting time aside to ensure you part maturely and without causing deliberate pain can minimise the potential for bitter retaliations, and help you deal with any awkward situations that may arise afterwards, too.



Published: 13 February 2008
http://content.mycareer.com.au/advic...x?s_cid=596349

[arco]

October 31, 2008 - 2:34PM

The boss of the BBC's most popular radio station quit over offensive on-air comments by two top presenters which have unleashed a political storm in Britain

Radio Two controller Lesley Douglas resigned a day after the BBC suspended Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand over a phone prank played on veteran actor Andrew Sachs, who starred in the 1970s comedy "Fawlty Towers."
Ross, the publicly-funded BBC's highest-paid presenter ever, was also suspended for 12 weeks without wages, BBC Director-General Mark Thompson said, as the number of public complaints topped 30,000.
"Jonathan Ross's contribution to this edition of the Russell Brand show was utterly unacceptable and cannot be allowed to go uncensored or without sanction," Thompson said. "Nothing like this must never happen again."
Brand resigned from his Radio Two show on Wednesday following his suspension.
In her resignation letter released by the BBC, Douglas apologised to Sachs, his family and listeners, adding: "It is a matter of the greatest possible sadness to me that a programme on my network has been the cause of such a controversy."
The furore was sparked by messages left by Ross and Brand on the answerphone of Sachs, 78, famed for his role as bumbling Spanish waiter Manuel in "Fawlty Towers."
In the original pre-recorded broadcast on October 18, listeners heard a series of explicit exchanges including a claim by Ross that Brand had sex with Sachs's granddaughter Georgina Baillie, 23, a burlesque performer who is a member of a group called the Satanic Sluts.
The pair then discussed how Sachs might hang himself as a result, and how they could break into his house and perform a sex act on him by way of apology.
Baillie has since discussed intimate details of her encounter with Brand with Britain's biggest-selling tabloid newspaper.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown called the pair's behaviour "inappropriate and unacceptable" and backed an investigation.
The main opposition Conservatives have also hit out at the entertainers' comments and want a parliamentary debate on how the BBC handled the incident.
The story has temporarily pushed the world financial crisis off the front pages of many newspapers -- the mass-market Daily Mail said Friday that Ross's suspension showed the BBC had "faced up to its responsibilities."
"The BBC wakes up to decency" read its front page headline. Most other papers also led on the controversy.
It comes at a sensitive time for the broadcaster amid a rumbling debate over whether its business model of charging an annual licence fee of 139.50 pounds (177 euros, 230 US dollars) to viewers for public service television is still relevant in the digital age.
Some lawmakers want the licence fee scrapped altogether -- Conservative Christopher Chope said Thursday it was "outdated and regressive."
This is not the first time the BBC has faced embarrassment recently -- in July it was fined 400,000 pounds (500,000 euros, 660,000 US dollars) after a string of shows faked winners of their competitions.
And last year, it apologised after showing footage that wrongly implied Queen Elizabeth II had stormed out of a sitting with top US photographer Annie Leibovitz.
Ross, 47, has a three-year, 18-million-pound (29-million-dollar, 22.5-million-euro) contract which also sees him host a Friday late-night television talk show.
Brand, 33, who started out in stand-up comedy, earned a reported 400,000 pounds a year for his radio programme. He starred as an oversexed rock star in the Hollywood romantic comedy "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" earlier this year.
© 2008 AFP

http://news.theage.com.au/world/bbc-...031-5f8w.html#

[arco]

Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers
that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the
forest, and started catching them.

The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the
villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy
at $20.

This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys
again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to
their farms.

The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little
that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50!

However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant
would now buy on his behalf.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. 'Look at all
these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them
to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to
him for $50 each.'

The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man nor his assistant ever again, only monkeys
everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the finance markets work

[arco]

A blonde wife and her husband were trying to sleep, but the next door neighbour's dog was barking.

This had been going on for months. Every night, the dog barked for hours, robbing them of sleep.

Finally, the blonde says, "I've had enough. I'm going to do something about this."

So she gets up, puts on her robe and goes down stairs and out the back door.

A little while later, she comes back.

"What did you do? The dog's still barking," asks the husband.

"I put the dog in our back yard. Let's see how they like it."

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