Clean Jokes for Bored FX traders

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The Simplicity Technique

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Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick to hi chamber.The moral of the story - P\alwasy pay your dues.

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a story with a title like that will always get my attention!!

[arco]

Resort plans nude "anything goes" party

Thu Nov 13, 2008 9:42am EST




CANBERRA (Reuters) - An Australian holiday resort will hold a month-long, nude "anything goes" party to combat an expected economic downturn, media reports said on Thursday.
"Tough economic times call for stiff measures," Tony Fox, the owner of the White Cockatoo resort in Mossman, in tropical Queensland state, told the Courier-Mail newspaper.
"It will be a hedonism resort, where anything goes for a month. It doesn't take rocket science to work out what it means," Fox said, naming March as the risque party month.
The controversial "clothes optional" resort made headlines three years ago when police were called to end partner-swapping parties after a swathe of public complaints.
"You've got to wonder what sort of people go and why. Where is the moral code of behavior and how do you stop jealousies and fights?" Cairns Catholic Bishop James Foley said after Fox's announcement.
But local regional Mayor Val Schier said she was not opposed to the event as long as no laws were broken.
"People in tropical north Queensland are extraordinarily creative," Schier said. "It is tough economic times and as long as it is with consenting adults, then there is no problem."
Australia's tourism in industry is being hit hard by global economic turmoil with official figures showing a 7.6 percent decline in overseas visitors in September.
Industry leaders expect holiday bookings may drop by up to a third in early 2009 and are planning a new international advertising campaign to coincide with the movie "Australia" starring Oscar-winning actress Nicole Kidman.
Fox said his resort was almost fully booked for the month-long rainforest party.
(Reporting by Rob Taylor, editing by Miral Fahmy)


http://www.reuters.com/article/newsO...4AC4QA20081113

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lol 'stiff' measures at the Cockatoo

you tell me this after I've already been to QLD twice this year....

;+)

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LONDON fertility clinics have reported up to a third of sperm donors are now foreigners and many are visitors from Down Under.

http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/s...73-953,00.html

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Spider on the Staircase Technique?

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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He says, "What are your doing?" She answers, "I'm moving to Sydney. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."

Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm going to Sydney too, I want to see how well you can live on $800 a year".

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A turtle was on his way home when he was attacked by a mob of Snails. So the turtle goes to the Police station to report it and the policeman asks the turtle to explain what happened, to which the turtle replied. "Well I'm not sure, it all happened so fast".

[AMR]

LONDON – A virtual affair is ending a real-life marriage in southwest England.
Amy Taylor filed for divorce when she discovered her husband cheating in Second Life — an online community where players adopt personas called avatars, mingle with others and teleport themselves into a series of artificial worlds.
"I caught him cuddling a woman on a sofa in the game," Taylor told the South West News Service press agency. "It looked really affectionate. He confessed he'd been talking to this woman player in America for one or two weeks, and said our marriage was over and he didn't love me any more."
The online drama shows how emotionally invested some people have become in their virtual identities, said Ellen Helsper, a researcher at the Oxford Internet Institute who has studied the impact of the Web on relationships.
"For a while there was this impression that as long as it's online, it doesn't matter. But research has shown it's not a separate world," she said, adding that infidelity was "just as painful, whether it's electronic or physical."
Taylor, 28, moved in with her husband Dave Pollard, 40, in Newquay, about 280 miles (450 kilometers) west of London, after the pair met in a chat room in 2003, according to the press agency's account. Both are disabled, Taylor said.
Both of them created personalities in Second Life, the three-dimensional virtual world with millions of users.
Taylor — represented in the game by a slim, dark-haired young woman with a penchant for cowboy outfits — first wed her beloved in a virtual ceremony held in an exotic tropical setting. She and Pollard — whose Second Life avatar was sharp-suited, long-haired muscleman — then married in real life at a registry office.
The svelte images of their avatars stand in contrast to their real wedding photo, which shows a plump couple — him balding with glasses and a red boutonniere; her in a flower patterned shirt instead of a dress.
Their marriage started to fall apart after Taylor allegedly caught her husband's avatar having cyber sex with a virtual prostitute last year. She said she had fallen asleep and when she woke up and spotted the pair cavorting on the computer screen.
She gave him a second chance but then discovered he allegedly strayed again in April. It was unclear how she learned of the couch encounter.
The case shows an increasingly tenuous line separating virtual relationships from the real people behind them.
In Britain last month, a truck driver was sentenced to 14 years in prison for the murder of his estranged wife who he killed after he found out she changed her Facebook status to "single" only days after they split up. Facebook is an online social network although users tend to post real pictures of themselves.
In the United States, a woman was charged in Delaware in August with plotting the real-life abduction of a boyfriend she met through the Second Life.
And in Japan, police said last month that a user of the country's popular "Maple Story" Web site — an online adventure game — was so infuriated by her sudden virtual divorce from her online husband that she logged on with his password and killed his digital persona.
The woman was jailed on suspicion of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating electronic data.
Attempts to contact Pollard — both over the phone and through his avatar — were unsuccessful.

But Taylor, reached by telephone on Friday, confirmed that she was getting a divorce next week. She refused to go into detail, saying South West News has prohibited her from talking to reporters. The news service confirmed that Taylor was under contract.
Despite their breakup, both Pollard and Taylor appear to be committed to scouring the Web for love.
Taylor reportedly found a new man in an alternative cyber-universe, World of Warcraft.
Pollard's Second Life profile, meanwhile, says he is virtually engaged again and can't wait to marry his new fiance "in rl."
That's short for "real life." Linden Lab, the maker of Second Life, did not immediately respond to a request for comment late Friday.