Clean Jokes for Bored FX traders

**peat** · 03-12-2008, 08:17 AM

Ordered some stuff online the other day and I used my donor card instead of my debit card.

Cost me an arm and a leg.

**peat** · 03-12-2008, 08:18 AM

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson.

“And what do you deduce from that?”

Watson ponders for a minute. “Well,

Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.

Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.

Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.

But what does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes is silent for a moment.

“Someone has stolen our tent”

**peat** · 03-12-2008, 08:20 AM

How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only Juan

_________

teacher ask's her class "if there were two birds on a powerline and you shot one of them how many would you have left"

jonny knows the answer to this...."there wouldn't be any miss cause the sound would scare the other one off"

teacher replies "no sorry jonny thats wrong, there would be one left but i like the way you think"

"ok miss, there's three ladies eating a icecream. one is nibbling at the sides, one is slowly licking it and the other has the whole thing in her mouth. which one is married"

teacher thinks about it for a while.....

"well this is a hard one but if i had to guess i'd say the one with the whole thing in her mouth"

jonny replies "no miss it's the one with the ring but i like the way you think"

**miner** · 03-12-2008, 08:41 AM

The early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.

**arco** · 03-12-2008, 09:46 AM

**arco** · 03-12-2008, 02:56 PM

A German parliamentary report has revealed that in 2007 German forces in Afghanistan consumed about 1.7 million pints of beer and 90,000 bottles of wine. During the first six months of this year 896,000 pints of beer were shipped to German forces in Afghanistan. British and US bases in the country enforce a strict ban on alcohol.

The physical condition of the soldiers was already in question after a German armed forces report found that 40 per cent of its soldiers aged 18-29 were overweight, compared to 35 per cent of the civilian population of the same age.

The report, published in March, concluded that the Bundeswehr lived on beer and sausages while shunning fruit and vegetables.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/new...cle5277034.ece

**arco** · 03-12-2008, 03:14 PM

Last Friday, China successfully completed the first test flight of its domestically produced jet, the ARJ21-700. After flying for an hour, the 90-seat jet landed safely at an airport

So this was not expected?

and why the aircraft did not rise above 900 metres in altitude due to safety reasons.

**Hoop** · 07-12-2008, 08:16 PM

Subject: IMPONDERABLES ?

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2.. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money, called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8 .. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced 'onety' one?

12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?

15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

19. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

22. OK ... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

23. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

24. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you send it by sea it is called cargo?

25. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door?