Clean Jokes for Bored FX traders

**shasta** · 19-10-2009, 04:19 PM

Originally Posted by arco

Hello

I am writting this letter with due respect and heartful of tears since we have not known or met ourselves previously. I am asking for your assistance after I have gone through your profile that speaks good of you.

I will be so glad if you can allow and lead me to the right channel towards your assistance to my situation now. I will make my proposal well known if I am given the opportunity. I would like to use this opportunity to introduce myself to you.

well, i am zhara kones 17years old girl and I know that this proposal might be a surprise to you but do consider it as an emmergency. My (late) father Mr kipkalya kones was a very wealthy gold and cocoa merchant who based in Accra and Abidjan respectively.

But he was killed along side with my mother during last year's Rable attact and all his properties was totally destroyed. However, after their death I managed to escape with a very important document (DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE (US$8m)million U.S Dollars deposited by my late father in the bank which i am the next of kin. Meanwhile,i am saddled with the problem of securing a trust worthy foriegn personality to help me transfer the money over to his country and into his possession pending my arrival to meet with him.

Furthermore,you can contact the bank for confirmation and i will issue a letter of authorisation on your name,that will enable the bank to deal with you on my behalf. I am giving you this offers as mentioned with every confidence on your acceptance to assist me or take me as your child and manage the money.

I am inclined to offer you 20% of the total sum as a mode of compensation for your effort after the successful transfering of these fund to your nominated account overseas Conclusively,i wish you send me a reply immediately as soon as you recieve this proposal,please write me back with this email address (zharakipkalya017@yahoo.fr)

Until then, Sincerely

yours,

zhara kones

Arco

I'm surprised to see you still posting after your last lucrative offer...

You need the extra $1.6m?

**arco** · 19-10-2009, 04:41 PM

Originally Posted by shasta

Arco

I'm surprised to see you still posting after your last lucrative offer...

You need the extra $1.6m?

That first one turned out to be a hoax, but this one definitely looks more promising

**Hoop** · 20-10-2009, 12:07 AM

Darwin Road Sign

I don't think so

**arco** · 20-10-2009, 12:39 PM

You might be OK if they are freshwater crocs...........as far as I know there is no record of an unprovoked attack on any person by a freshwater crocodile, although if provoked they may give you a nasty nip.

Spot the different (just in case

)

Fresh

Saltwater

**miner** · 20-10-2009, 01:40 PM

UNBELIEVEABLE!!!
THEY WALK AMONG US

A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples:

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. While I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, she interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts "Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa." Her response - click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, 'Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, ''Is it possible to see England from Canada ?'' I said, ''No.'' She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas . When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, ''Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
She replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!'' After putting her on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT - Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii . After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would it be cheaper to fly to California , and then take the train to Hawaii ?''

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?'' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, ''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''

10. A lady Senator called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?'' I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane. She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.'' I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!''

12. A New Mexico Congress woman called to make reservations, ''I want to go from Chicago to Rhino,New York.'' I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name of the town?'' ''Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere.' ''The lady retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!''
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't mean Buffalo , do you?'' The reply?
''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it's in! Could anyone be this DUMB?

YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS, AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED!

**peat** · 22-10-2009, 03:52 PM

http://www.stuff.co.nz/business/mark...-on-kiwis-rise

**arco** · 25-10-2009, 05:48 PM

This one, selected as the top joke in England…

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."